Have you ever met someone with whom you felt you’ve known forever, had a memory of something that you know didn’t happen in this lifetime or perhaps have a behaviour or reoccurring pattern that you have a difficult time changing? It’s my belief that we have known people, have a memory or experience from a past life which we occasionally bring into this life. With this belief I share this healing experience with you.
10 years ago I met a man (for the sake of this blog, I will call him Paul) with whom I felt an instant connection with; a connection I was unable to explain or ever understand at the time. After all we just met – how could I feel so connected to him? We got to know each other and became intimately involved on and off, which for me enhanced the connection and love I felt for him. I knew our connection was from a past life, however I didn’t know the extent of the connection. As time went on I desperately wanted to be with him; spend time with him and share ourselves with each other. I wanted this so much that I dishonoured myself – not fully standing for what I really wanted and deserved with a partner. Paul was not interested in being in a committed relationship with me, however my attachment was so strong that I spent whatever time I could with him regardless of how ‘unhealthy’ the dynamic was for me. I had an illusion, perhaps fantasy thinking and hoping perhaps one day he would feel for me the way I felt for him. After a few years of this ‘on again, off again’ affair, I came to the realization that this dynamic didn’t work for me as I wanted a committed relationship and accepted that this was not going to happen with Paul. I moved on, began dating and was eventually married. During my marriage memories of Paul would arise for me; I still did not fully understand the connection with him and also experienced guilt and shame for thinking of him – after all I was married to a man whom I loved and who loved me back.
After 3 years my marriage ended and sometime after that I reconnected with Paul and we became intimately involved again. As I had done some self development and discovery since the last time we were involved I was able to really ask myself what was the connection, attachment to this man? Although he rarely said it, I knew he cared for me however he was not interested in a committed relationship with me. It was clear to me that I was not complete about something with him, there was something I was holding on to or there was a lesson for me to learn. Even as recent as this past week I had moments where I wanted to connect with him, speak with him, be close with him.
So what was the connection, the lesson? Over the past few months I have come to understand it and 3 days ago release it!
I have suffered from pain on the right side of my womb for as long as I can remember. I have used medication to manage this pain and simply accepted it as ‘normal’ for a woman to have pain in this area especially during our period. I have come to learn that pain in the body is not normal and could be a sign of injury, illness or stored energy. For several years I have been working with different healing modalities with the intention to deepen my awareness and to heal emotionally, physically and spiritually. Since October 2014 I have been focusing on the pain in the womb – really curious as what was there to heal – as I knew that it was emotional energy causing physical pain.
3 weeks ago during a meditation at the Center for Spiritual Living I remembered a relationship from a past life. I remembered I was deeply in love with a man and together we lost a child. With the assistance of my dear friend Deb I was able to recognize that this man needed to express his emotions to me; his anger, blame and sadness. And I also needed to grieve this loss; the loss of the child and the relationship. It was then that I connected this experience with the pain in my womb; creating an opening for me, a place to really inquire about what was incomplete and not healed thus bringing it forward into this lifetime. This man that I loved was Paul from this lifetime. Wow could it really be?!
Shortly after arriving to Peru 1.5 weeks ago I was experiencing pain in my lungs, similar to the pain I shared about in a previous blog and I connected it to grief. I realized I was grieving the loss relationship from a past life – how interesting! I shared about this with my dear friend Bonnie and was overwhelmed with tears and sadness – missing the deep love and connection I had with Paul. I so desperately wanted to feel that connection and love with him again. I simply allowed the emotions to come, feel all that was there and let the tears flow.
A few days later at a full moon healing ceremony in Peru I went back to that past life experience; subconsciously remembering and experiencing the event. I was with Paul – we were in the hospital as I was giving birth to our baby girl. It was heartbreaking to learn that our baby was still born. The pain and sadness was so overwhelming for Paul that he couldn’t stay in the room with me; he blamed me for the loss of our baby. At the time I could remember feeling so alone as I was dealing with the loss of my baby girl – whom I carried in my womb for 9 months. I was experiencing sadness, grief, anger as well as questioning myself – was it my fault, could I have done anything to change this? I don’t recall what happened with my marriage with Paul but do know we were never close, connected and deeply in love as we once were.
During this healing ceremony I was able to re-create this experience for myself in an empowering way – really observing the situation (as if I was watching a movie) and see it for what it really was: what’s so is that I had a baby girl and she died. I was so present to my love for Paul providing him with the opportunity to fully express to me all of his emotions; the grief, sadness, blame and anger. I also didn’t feel alone as I remembered we are all connected and never alone; I have loved ones with me all the time including family, friends, people I haven’t met yet, angels and spirit guides. I held my baby girl in my arms, cried and gave her my love. When I was ready to say goodbye I called upon my guardian angel Roland (my brother from this lifetime who passed away as a baby) asking him to support me in letting her go as well as all the emotional pain I was holding onto in my womb; I released the sadness, shame, guilt, grief and anger. Roland graciously and lovingly took our baby girl from my arms to be with the angels.
With this experience I truly believe I have released the ‘stuck’ energy from my womb, hence releasing the emotional and physical pain which I was holding there. With respect to Paul, I have released the attachment to being with him in the lifetime. I am now free from this experience as is Paul and our baby girl. I am so grateful to Paul being a part of my journey in this lifetime providing me the opportunity to fully grieve the loss of our baby and relationship from my past life. Further I am grateful for the connection we shared in this lifetime. Life truly is a journey; one of triumphs and tribulations, love and heartbreak, joy and sorrow – all of which are emotions (energy-in-motion) and we all experience them all at some point in our life. Paul – I love you and wish you an abundance of love, light, joy and freedom.
Love & Light,